The easiest book in the world to understand.

If I were the creator of the universe, esp. the earth and its inhabitants, and I wanted everybody to know and worship me and follow a very explicit set of rules and guidelines, I might list all my achievements in book form, and I might even include all my rules in that book. Takes a load off my shoulders, right? I wouldn’t have to pop down here every hour and tap somebody on the shoulder and say “Hey, that’s against the rules.” Because if I wanted everybody to follow my rules and I had them all laid out in a nice book and people still didn’t follow them, I would do that. I would intervene. First off, it could serve as a pretty cool reminder that I actually exist. Second, some people just need reminders.

But being that I’m supremely awesome, supremely powerful, and supremely knowledgeable, the rules put forth in my book would be crystal clear. There would be absolutely no way whatsoever for people to misinterpret what I am saying. If I had to use my infinite magical powers to craft the book in such a way so that the words are phrased differently for every person just so they’ll understand exactly what I’m saying, so be it. But two people who have read my book would simply be unable to disagree on the fundamentals within: you would not have one person saying “Clearly if you read it this way, Dave says homosexuals should be put to death,” while another person says “Ah, but if you look at it this way it’s pretty obvious Dave thinks every adult person capable of decision-making, signing a contract, and saying the words ‘I do’ should be offered the right to be married.”

THERE WOULD BE NO MISINTERPRETATIONS. There wouldn’t be sects of people who interpret even two words differently in my book. Because I am awesome-fucking-possum and I actually want these people to obey my rules. They will be clear. I would use my incredible powers to make my rules somehow even more clear than the phrase “Don’t punch people in the neck.” Pretty clear, huh? Someone could misinterpret it. Not if I’m god though.

That is why religion is nonsense. Because the world’s three largest monotheistic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) are based upon the exact same story, yet all three religions are vastly different from one another and each even have a whole sloppy slew of sects and cults within that disagree with one another. Yours is one interpretation out of thousands, and you learned it from your parents, who learned it from their parents, who learned it from their parents, whose interpretation of your religion was probably even vastly different from your own. And yet somehow all those other religions/sects are wrong and yours is right.

My role as the atheist/skeptic is not to say to you “Nope, you’re wrong. They’re wrong. Everybody’s wrong.” Rather, it’s to say “Seriously? Look at the odds. What divine knowledge has been bestowed upon you that makes you right and millions of other people wrong?” So what if it turns out you’ve got the right god? You‘ve probably been following the wrong rules.

47 thoughts on “The easiest book in the world to understand.

  1. I’ve been thinking about something similar in recent months. Sometimes the question is posed “what would make you believe the bible is the Word of God?” Well, yeah, for one, it would be CLEAR. Modern, liberal Christians who believe in Enlightenment/Humanist values (like equal rights for blacks, women, gays, etc) are always saying (when it is pointed out that the Good Book says not nice things about how to treat gays, or how is the best way to sell your daughter off) “you have to consider the times when it was written.” No you don’t! An all-wise God who never changes his mind on what is moral and what isn’t would have just made sure that Bronze Age Israelites were the most Liberal Progressive people for the next 3000yrs (if what modern liberal christians read the bible to say is really what it says).

    So, my idea has been: A special book that cannot be destroyed (by water, fire, scissors, etc). Cannot be mutilated in any way (this book goes in, that book goes out…like the Apocrypha); and, as you mentioned, is Miraclized in such a way that whoever reads it, in whatever age or language, reads the EXACT SAME THING. That would be a tremendous miracle only able to be done by GOD. I’m currently living in a European country (originally from US) and translation is a Pain. But this Miracle Bible would be beyond translation. It would be Perfect and Indestructible.

    Show me THAT book and I’ll believe in the God it talks about.

  2. If I was a God, I would make wild animals like pets so I could have a baby raccoon and a baby polar bear and a baby tiger.

    Great post though. Unfortunately, believers don’t really like logic.

  3. Not only that, they would try to get rid of the blatant contradictions that are found in the Bible, such as family lineage differences. Also might have included information that was not available to humans at the time, such as animals from Australia.

  4. If you were the all-knowing and powerful creator of the universe, you would also probably be expected to understand a little physics and science. But according to the Bible, science is not God’s strongest subject. He knows how to create a flood, but the heliocentric concept of the universe escapes him…

  5. Reblogged this on imade and commented:
    I’ve been thinking so much about this. How open to all kinds of interpretations the Bible is, and how many contradictions are contained in it. And how people who believe it the most haven’t read it or examined it in-depth beyond Sunday morning and casual reference during the week.

  6. I beg your pardon but your reasoning seems really flawed with all due respect. So ‘almighty God’ decides to make a rulebook. You think that it must be thus clear and unambigious, no room for misinterpretations. You do realise that there is nothing in the known universe that is unargueable to humans right? Dosnt matter who you are. Humans are a thinking specie. Ability to think for oneself includes ability to disagree with what the next man thinks. And that fundamental ability to think is what makes us human. Take away that ability and we are no better than animals. According to biblical theology God made man in his own image, created us as a being or intellect and abilities similar if not equal to his. Y then reduce us to less by tweaking us so we think in a particular line he so desires or robbing us of the ability to form our own opinions? This is counterproductive, and negates the principle of free will. Perhaps the point is for usto find the path ourselves or not at all and not be forced, tweaked into it by his almighty power. It seems to me that people will always have a problem with God no matter what he does. Were he to do all this, you would call him rigid and interfaring. Now hes just inept and unclear with his instructions. Maybe its not about right or wrong. Maybe its about choice. And if u had paid more attention to the said book and its lessons, the bible at least, nowhere is God’s powers described as magical. Rather there are rules, technicalities, principles. Protocols and all. Its never been magical. You should pay more attention. At the very least, think this over again.

    • If a god is all-powerful, then said god would presumably have the power to create something that is inarguable and undeniable. Consider the Mirror of Erised in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (or Philosopher’s Stone, depending on where you are). It serves exactly one purpose, but because of the magic imparted upon it everybody sees something different.

      Could not a magical, all-powerful god impart the same sorcery upon a book?

      • Lol. Thats the problem. The word all powerful does not mean He would use such supreme power in all ways. Werent there things good wizards in harry potter refrained from because they went against principles they adhered to? If everyone looks upon the book and sees exactly what God wants, whereas the line between our perception and his. Doesn’t that mean he’s forcing us to see things his way? That interferes strictly with our freewill. Something he expressly created us to have. Much better the way it is and let humans be humans.

        • Which is finr as long as homosexuality isn’t actually worthy of death.
          Open to interpretation for the sake of Free Will is fine as long as we aren’t punished for interpreting wrongly. And you can still have Free Will even if only the OT laws existed. “Thou shalt noy suffer a witch to live”. You can still choose whether or not to kill that woman cooking newts.
          Unambiguous and yet the holy principle of Free Will is not infringed. So, again, why would an all wise, all powerful god inspire such a confusing book? The “argument from free will” does not stand to reason.

          • You think thou shall not suffer a witch to live is unambigious? Who is a witch? What kind of ‘live’ are we talking about here? See what I mean? Nothing is unambigious to one who desires not to see it so no matter how clear it may seem to you. Maybe everything else is as clear as that line u mentioned. So who is to say we are not all being stubbornly pigheaded?

            • And i merely mention freewill in answer to his suggesting that God make it so everyone magically be made to see the bible’s rules God’s ways. This goes against freewill. Its suduction of a kind. Dark amd rank. No no no no. If that happens, where do his thoughts end and ours begin?

              • Yes, I realize why you mentioned free will. I was merely saying that making an unambiguous book does not negate free will.
                Is working on the Sabbath a sin or not? Ensuring everyone reads the same message (yes or no) is not removing free will. We can all choose whether or not to obey.
                “What kind of ‘live’ are we talking about”? Now you’re just being ridiculous.

                • I know i am. But the Sabbath. You do know the principle of the Sabbath is based on the seventh day right? The seventh day depends on what calendar we are using. *sigh* you know its an impossibility to make something definite. Only magic as dave said can do it.

                  • Yes, the 7th day is ambiguous. And as long as what day we keep, or whether you keep a day, doesn’t matter for heaven/hell, then whatever.
                    I’m kind of confused why a “magic bible” seems such a problem. “Nowhere is God’s power described as magical”. If creating the universe from nothing, creating life, the Egyptian plagues, parting the Red Sea, raining Mannah, sending fire from heaven to consume Elijah’s sacrifice…then all the miracles of Jesus. If that isn’t “magical” then nothing is. I think you should pay more attention.
                    And maybe you’re right. Maybe it is all about choice and not strictly right n wrong…but we can’t really know, can we, since the book is so riddled w/ contradiction and ambiguity. But that is to be expected of a several thousand year old collection of books from multiple human authors translated in committees.

                    • Books written by humans, relatable? Records of activities that inspire empathy? You dont see it that way? Remember God spoke to the Isrealites directly from heaven and they were frightened? Asked him to relate with Moses alone? That happened. Is the book riddled with contradictions or are we the riddlers? Raining manna, there was a mode of gathering, and days and rules for preservation. He told The isrealites had to bury their waste. He didnt magically incinerate it. Jesus multiplied 5 loaves and 2 fishes to feed thousands. He didn’t magically fill their stomachs. Turned water to wine. Didn’t vanish wine into barrels. Lastly he had his son suffer an excruciating death. Was that really necessary? Tell me. You think Jesus couldnt have had him spring the magic? But no the rules. A ransom. A perfect life for another. The rules man. If that doesn’t scream technical what does?

                    • Rules. Technical. “Magic” according to laws n principles. So there shouldn’t be much ambiguity. It should be clear whether it is just about making choices or following clear rules of right n wrong. The fact it isn’t clear throws doubt on the claimd of divine authorship

                    • Nope. I disagree. I say it throws doubt on the intelligence of the readers. Where does that leave us?

                    • If it is that we aren’t smart enough to understand, then hopefully the god who is described in the bible is more forgiving than he appears.
                      But why make a book we can’t understand? Of course, this assumes that the god described in the bible exists, and that he is the actual author (via inspiration) of the bible. There is still the possibility that it is lying about the god it describes…

                    • Y make a book we cant understand? Y have we decided not to understand the book he made? Ok you say it lies about the existence of the god yet retains historical accuracy of events and people which you accept. You seem awfully selective about your god belief. And yes explain how things beyond the ken of the then man was known if knowledge from it is purely academic and not spiritual or divine in no way

                    • I’m afraid I was unclear. I said the bible COULD be lying. There is no evidence proving its authenticity.
                      Thete is plenty of evidence that there was no flood, plenty of evidence of life before 6-10,000 years ago, no DNA evidence showing humanity descended from two people.
                      So you see why I no longer believe everything in the bible just bc it is in “The Bible”. I used to, but then I learned about facts and evidence.

                    • You would like to believe the bible is flawed as you say, no evidence proving its authenticity. So you do not believe in it. Now I ask you, science is even a hundred times more inconsistent. Today they say this, tomorrow that. While u might think there are holes in biblical theories, there are gaping blocks where a spaceship can fall through. Even the creation theory is flawed? Scientists do not even believe it. There are so many unexplainables there. So you must not believe in that too being a man of irrefutable evidence. So tell me now. If u say religion, flaws, science, bigger flaws, what do u believe in?

                    • The bible says there was a worldwide flood about 4000 years ago. All animals today are from a very small number that were saved on a boat.
                      But there is no evidence for any of that story. Not in geology, paleontology, or genetics.
                      I don’t believe in the god of the bible for the same reason I don’t believe in the god of the koran or in Eru Iluvitar–no evidence.

                    • What do you believe in? No evidence? That is not true though. We have examined countless so. U claim there is no hundred percent foolproof evidence. Maybe so. But that does not mean there is no evidence. Our inability to find something does not mean it is nonexistent. Only that we can’t find it and that our finding ability is poor as we discovered when plenty things we couldnt find before came to light. I say there is evidence. U cant disagree. U point to its flaws. I ask u, what of d unflawed part? Not all of it is. N i ask again. If u do not believe in d bible cuz of perceived flaws, what is better, flawless that u believe in? I say i believe in d closest thing to flawless the bible which is so close, i chuck down the flaws to my finding ability. Is this logical or not?????

                    • There is a certain level of evidence that would convince me of “god”. So far, Paleontology, Geology, and Biology make the idea of god untenable.

                      Does Science have 100% proof? No. Almost nothing is 100%. But it is Far more proof than religion. Is there any evidence that we are the product of two instances of incest? No. DNA = not bible. Is there evidence that there was a Flood 5000 years ago that killed all life? No.

                      And what unflawed part? Did King David have an unbroken line? Does Tyre still exist? What actually IS the geneology of JC? Who, exactly, came to JC’s grave? Did they talk about it? Was it God or Satan who convinced King David to number Israel?

                      Yes, there is much we can’t discover, or haven’t discovered yet. Lack of evidence does not prove a point. You are right. But the evidence we have says that the christian god does not exist and did not create the world 6000 years ago. Might there be a god? Sure. Maybe we haven’t found the evidence yet. But for now, NO.

                    • Also if your evidence for naysaying biblical accuracy is fossils and dna and findings you should try to be up to date. Those things do come up everyday. As a matter of fact, there is scientific evidence of a flood. U may want to check that out. If u like i can cop u a link

                    • Link or it didn’t happen. No evidence for a worldwide flood 4000 years ago. Biodiversity, the Coral Clock, geology, biology, paleontology, etc, etc. (PS sorry for taking so long to get back to you…)

                    • That’s your response to “where is the evidence for a flood 4K years ago?” Oh yeah, now I remember why I didn’t get back to you. It wasn’t just laziness, it was that it is a waste of time.

                    • So, what does the bible say? What is the One True Interpretation? Homosexual marriage or no? Marriage or Divorce? Kosher or no? Sabbath or no?

                      Also, I am truly confused (not playing around, not being sarcastic) about what you mean concerning “knowledge beyond the ken of men” being known and written about in the bible.

                    • Knowledge beyond the Ken of man. Knowledge of the earth’s shape at a time when it was thought to be flat.

                    • He molded the body from dust. And breathed the breath of life into it. When he dies, his spirit goes out, he goes back to his ground. Doesn’t that strike you with the very rhythm of life? The thousand old bible said the earth was spherical when there were no microscopes and scientists were scrabbling and talking about a flat earth hanging on the back of tortoises. And you dare doubt. A friend of mine, Omenga did say, non belief requires more faith than belief. In a queer way of it, that’s true i guess.

                    • Scientific facts revealed in the bible! Yay! You are right–that’s why we could know that the sun revolves around a fixed, unmoving earth!
                      And you know for a fact that god spoke to Moses alone…based on one source of evidence? A book? Anyone can write a book n claim divine inspiration. I mean, that’s how we know that Allah sent Gabriel to commune w/ The Prophet…
                      Atheists require more evidence than that. Your statement that it takes more faith to not not believe in deities or books claiming divine authorship…than to not believe based on a lack of evidence is utterly ridiculous.

                    • Now you require evidence of authenticity? Well that will require actual study. If you have the time, i am sure the countless prophecies and their later fulfillments will convince you. The bible is filled with prophecies reflecting detailed knowledge of the future —something impossible for humans

                      Isa. 40:22: “There is One who is dwelling above the circle of the earth.” there were no telescopes then. How do you explain this please?

                    • Again, yes, circle of the earth. Good job. How about my points about the bible saying “the sun stopped” on Joshua’s Long Day? Or in Job where it says god fixed the earth that it move not?
                      Oh, and fulfilled prophecy proves the bible? You mean like the Prophecy of Tyre? Lol…

                    • The sun stopped. So joshua was standing on earth watching the sun be in one position. How do you think the writers reported it? Why, exactly how they saw it. Why is that an issue? People reporting things how they see it? God explained the mechanism of it to him you think? And tyre? *now confused at you*

                      First the mainland city fell; then the island city was destroyed. Both events were foretold.
                      From a military standpoint, after many years it might have seemed futile to continue. But he persevered until Tyre fell at the end of 13 years, thus fulfilling the Bible prophecy that had named him as its conqueror

                      Later, Zechariah again foretold ruin for Tyre, but this time it was for the island city. To reach it, Alexander the Great scraped up the ruins of the mainland city to construct a causeway; he built huge siege towers. Though Tyre had built its walls 46 m high (150 ft), the prophecy was fulfilled

                      So ur saying what exactly?

                    • Nebuchadnezzar left after a futile siege of 13 years. Tyre wasn’t destroyed. He didn’t put siege towers against the wall. His horses didn’t run through the streets. The bible says Tyre was to be ruined, never to be rebuilt and none would find it.
                      Guess what? Epic Fail. It is the 4th largest city in Lebanon.

                    • There is one dwelling above the circle of the earth? We have telescopes now. We’ve found no Sky People. You talk as if this is a fulfilled prophecy. Nobody is up there (that we’ve found)

                      Fulfilled prophecy? Is Tyre still around? Yes. Prophecy failed. Did King David have a never-ending line that ruled Israel? No. Prophecy failed.
                      (again, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner…life gets in the way, etc…I haven’t been ignoring you. Thank you for responding to my previous comment)

                    • The circle of the earth. Pray tell me how on earth it was possible to know the earth was a round. You conveniently ignored that

            • Nothing is unambiguous? “What kind of ‘live'”?? Really? So, keeping the sabbath means nothing. Thou shalt not kill means nothing. Love thy neighbour as thyself means nothing. Nothing means anything. The bible only means what we want it to mean. Gotcha.

  7. Y make a book we cant understand? Y have we decided not to understand the book he made? Ok you say it lies about the existence of the god yet retains historical accuracy of events and people which you accept. You seem awfully selective about your god belief. And yes explain how things beyond the ken of the then man was known if knowledge from it is purely academic and not spiritual or divine in no way

  8. Mainland city fell, island city destroyed, tyre did fall at the end of the fourteen years. I guess this is where the all important ability to disagree comes into play. Since this case is arguable, ambiguous, and we cannot agree whether it was destroyed or not. As they will say in law, maintain status quo, we will leave it as it is and examine all the other clearcut prophesies that came true. And the access to scientific knowledge inaccessible to people at the time heh? What about all those? U want me to say the one supposed miss proves inaccuracy but the hundred accurate shots does not prove accuracy? See how the human mind works? Are you not proof of what i have been saying that humans will interpret what they will whatever you show them? The countless prophecies fulfilled don’t convince you but you worry at the one you can worry at. Go on human. It is your prerogative to be so. But y blame your maker for this failing of yours to see when he gave you sight?

    • Maybe you need to reread Eze 26, followed by reading a small amount of history. Nebuchadnezzar did not destroy the island city. Tyre is not “no more”. There is no interpretation.
      But yes, I see how the human mind works when confronted by inconvenient facts. You can overcome this natural tendancy if you are willing to prove whether or not something is true instead of assuming it is bc you already believe it is. I used to do the same thing, but when evidence and facts contradicted faith I am happy to say I chose facts.

      • Facts? What facts. The constantly shifting science theories? So let us even assume tyre was unfulfilled, for d sake of this argument. One unfulfilled prophecy, countless fulfilled ones and access to evidence they had no way of having at the time. Tell me where you’ll place your bets on. If u r a reasonable man. Again i ask you, if not the bible, if not religion, what else? Nothing? That seems like a sorry way to go. Hear yourself. It has one flaw so i wont take it. Instead i will take nothing. Really, logically, evidencially as u say, does this seem sound? I ll tell u what is sound? Something that comea true every time perhaps fails once, i will say there is good reason even if i do not know it and move on. This too is scientific logic. So however you want to go, tyre didn’t fulfil, countless other prophesies did which is good enough for me. U want to be scientific and accept evidence, scientific evidence lends more support to the bible than science most ironically. So what have you?

        • What do you mean scientific evidence supports the bible more than science?
          The bible says Tyre will be No More. Yet it is. Nebby didn’t destroy it as he was prophesied to. Fail.
          No evidence for the Flood. No evidence for life starting 6000 years ago. DNA still doesn’t show any evidence that we descended from one man & one woman 6000 tears ago.
          And what are these “hundreds of fulfilled prophesies” you keep going on about? I hope you don’t mean Eze 29 where Egypt would be desolate and uninhabited for 40 years…no evidence for that. Hopefully you don’t mean the prophecy of “never lack an heir to sit on David’s throne”. Or the prophesies about Israel’s Power and numbers “as the sand upon the shore”.

          • Egypt, secular history provides no record of desolation. Does that mean that it did not occur? Nebbu did take on tyre. Weda they were defeated or not is a matter of how u wanna see it. Siege did happen yea? There are like 99 trillion things theres no dna evidence or any kind of scientific explanations for. Try magic, mind reading, fortelling. Does that these things did not exist? Israel nunbers and David’s throne, *sigh* u dont have the basic foundations. Where will i even start from with educating u as to that? New testament, spiritual Israel, all christians today. Throne not literal nation of Isreal. God himself forsook the nation and they were sacked by Rome. All i can say is u need more study. And i was saying. U keep saying bible has holes, Religion has holes. What better way do you have to offer? That has no holes? If u cannot point at the right way who are you to say amy way is wrong? Ur wayless yourself. What do u believe in. U ve been going back to this same issue, attacking belief. Maybe we should examine the wisdom in unbelief

            • Are you a high school graduate? Seriously. Your grammar and spelling are appalling. Your “logic” is even worse. What better way? Philosphy. Yes, there are holes, but there is a big difference between “this seems the best way to go” and “God hath said this is the way” when the morality of “god” is far less than our current morality.

              Does Tyre exist? DOES TYRE EXIST?! The bible said it wouldn’t. But it does. Bible fail. End of story. Seriously. Deut 18:20-22. The bible is condemned out of its own mouth.

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